How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7
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Imagine complaining to a friend about something at work and they respond by a) blaming you; b) questioning your reaction; c) offering unsolicited advice; d) offering fake pity; e) psychoanalyzing you — you’d probably be annoyed. So, yeah. Don’t do that to your kid. Like most other discipline books, this one says no to time outs. Parents can put themselves in time out (122), or sit in time out with their child with the parent’s arm around the child comfortingly (123). The latter rewards the child’s bad behavior with love and attention from the parent. When other tactics have failed and you are angry at your kids, going for a run can help (361). You can’t take care of others without taking care of yourself first.
In a negotiation, a long pause is sometimes the most effective tactic to come to an agreement. With kids, the same is true. Let your child know that you aren’t trying to monopolize their mind. Stop talking so much. Be comfortable with silence. You will be happier at work, with your spouse and your kids.The louder your child yells, the softer you respond. Let your child ventilate while you interject timely comments: “I understand” or “Can I help?” Sometimes just having a caring listener available will wind down the tantrum. If you come in at his level, you have two tantrums to deal with. Be the adult for him. 17. Settle the Listener My son ALWAYS takes forever to eat his dinner. It’s a constant battle with him. I’m always telling him “Eat another bite of your food.” “Three more bites.” “Why are you taking so long to eat?” “You can’t just drink juice, you need food too.” It’s gotten exhausting. But I used a tool where I was playful with him. I made dinner into a game and said “I don’t think you can eat your potatoes before me!” So then it was whoever could eat their potatoes first. I let him win of course, which made him absolutely thrilled. He also cleaned off his plate, which NEVER happens! And even more astonishing, he even reached for seconds! I had a proud mama moment.
Wait for your kid to be calm, then ask the kid to think of some solutions to the problem so it doesn’t happen again (98). I’ve tried this with my kid, and it doesn’t work. My kid just repeats what she wants and doesn’t want to do anything different. I offer suggestions, and she said she doesn’t want to, and she doesn’t care how other kids feel. In an example the authors give, a kid doesn’t like their hair washed, so they come up with the idea to wear goggles in the bath (105-107). It’s a bandaid solution though, because eventually shouldn’t the child learn to take a shower normally without goggles? How are they going to learn if they continue to use this handicap? The kid needs to learn to close their eyes like everyone else. Instead of just saying “that’s really good” describe what you’re seeing because that is a form of affective praise since it gets the end-user to understand the situation. Kids who get a lot of praise early tend to flounder in middle-school because they’ve done it. They start to think “So what?” When a child has been told that they are good, why would they risk their status to do another worksheet of math problems? If a child has been complimented in a descriptive way, they will proceed and progress. The kids who are told they are smart or bright tend to struggle when they encounter difficult problems. When they struggle, they might fail to rise to the challenge.If you want your kid to go outside to play, but the kid doesn’t want to, instead of suggesting for him to go outside, stay inside to play with him instead (198). This is completely catering to the kid. Deeper Connection and " How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen " empowers parents to connect with their children on a deeper level. It offers insights into understanding children's emotions and needs, helping parents build trust and mutual understanding. This deeper connection forms the foundation of a loving and supportive family environment.
Instead of “Don’t leave your mess piled up,” try: “Matthew, think of where you want to store your soccer stuff.” Letting the child fill in the blanks is more likely to create a lasting lesson. 20. When You Talk to Kids Use Rhyme Rules
Erasing “but” from my vocabulary and instead using “the problem is”: “You really feel like throwing that glass! That’s fun for you! The problem is I’m worried about it breaking. I’m going to put it on this shelf to keep it safe. Let’s find something you can throw.” So our kids get told what to do. All day long. That’s the reality of being a kid. And they should listen, because we’re in charge and we’re just trying to do what’s best for them, and keep them from killing themselves, or at least protect them from stinkiness, rotted teeth, malnutrition, and exhaustion.” Sometimes we just need someone to listen and nod, not boss us around, or tell us what we’re feeling isn’t the right thing to be feeling. Give kids information so they’ll know consequences, but do it in a kind, non-threatening manner (61).